Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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