Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
