Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
