you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
