nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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