it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
