When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
