Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You can't special order awesome
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
