The brown eye won't let me do that either.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
