We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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