Only a mothe r could love this liver
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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