I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
