So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
