ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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