His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
