$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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