Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
