I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
