I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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