Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
