I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
