Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
