well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
