I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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