I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
