also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
