I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
