I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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