That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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