sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
