I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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