meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
