guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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