its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
