she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
