There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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