Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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