I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
