dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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