Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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