I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry about my life...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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