the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think your dad took our porno
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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