According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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