We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
