babies were throwing up all over the place
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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