2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
