I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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