Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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