just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
