How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
