he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
