I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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