Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
