Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
