Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
