It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
