Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
