I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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