i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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