I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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