With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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