You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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