honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.