Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

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  (336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6
  Replies (67) Good night (4066) Bad night (1280)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.

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  (607): I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that. http://tfl.nu/9hhk
  Replies (28) Good night (759) Bad night (5241)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night

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  (843): Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night http://tfl.nu/lokc
  Replies (29) Good night (4078) Bad night (1451)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there

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  (413): I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there http://tfl.nu/ehji
  Replies (16) Good night (2903) Bad night (1033)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.

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  (613): She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone. http://tfl.nu/b8gy
  Replies (9) Good night (2650) Bad night (830)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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  (989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5
  Replies (1) Good night (2649) Bad night (753)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.

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  (518): I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments. http://tfl.nu/u4vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1568) Bad night (1023)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer

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  (623): Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer http://tfl.nu/er6w
  Replies (4) Good night (760) Bad night (1326)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety

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  (931): Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety http://tfl.nu/hne4
  Replies (5) Good night (1073) Bad night (671)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick

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  (240): it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick http://tfl.nu/lcrn
  Replies (5) Good night (1251) Bad night (614)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.

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  (845): I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent. http://tfl.nu/v6g7
  Replies (9) Good night (497) Bad night (770)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

  (936): View more from Texas

  You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

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  (903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex
  Replies (4) Good night (1783) Bad night (486)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?

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  (513): No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand? http://tfl.nu/roqu
  Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (394)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick

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  (651): Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick http://tfl.nu/7fc7
  Replies (11) Good night (793) Bad night (826)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.

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  (931): Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight. http://tfl.nu/04cx
  Replies (0) Good night (392) Bad night (219)

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