didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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