how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?