My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring