He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
