I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
