I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Soap is not a condiment
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
