biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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