If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
whose parrot is this?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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