and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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