dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
