Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
