Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
